do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
