We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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