Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
