Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
