Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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