He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
