sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
