Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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