I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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