I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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