We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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