I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
