fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
