Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
