Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
