i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
