btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think my vagina is haunted
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
