I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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