Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
