so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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