This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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