Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish my penis had a tongue
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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