His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My cat gives me a boner
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
as a side note pls kill me
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