are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
