i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
