The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
