Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
