I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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