Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize