real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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