Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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