If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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