you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
