Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
