i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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