why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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