Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
