You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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