oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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