I'm so fucking centered right now
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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