Please, let me fuck your mom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i have two assholes
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
