dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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