Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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