Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
