Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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