Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
