So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
