hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
