I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So squirting runs in the family.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
