The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize