I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
