My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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