Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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