yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
