That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
