he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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