I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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