i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
