it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
