She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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