dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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