just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
