i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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