soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
