i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
