turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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