I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my liver is dry heaving
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
