just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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