ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
