We're facebook friends in real life
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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