woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
